“Aging Sexy” Please Don’t Call Me A Cougar

Dressed for a 1st date in NYC, February 2021

Ever since my Instagram started to take off a few months ago I've noticed a lil trend.  Younger men think it's a compliment when they call me a Cougar!  "You're the hottest Cougar on Instagram"  is my personal favorite.  I definitely would not say that I’m insulted when this happens.  I understand that I present myself in a very sexy manner and that addressing me in this way comes from a place of adoration and attraction.  The truth is I am almost 50 years old and I do more often than not date younger men.  Still, "Please don’t Call Me a Cougar” and here are the reasons why:


  1. Dictionary.com defines a cougar as “an older woman who seeks sexual relationships with much younger men.” That is definitely not me!!! I am not the one doing the seeking.
  2. Younger men are seeking me out, so the idea that I am now being referred to as a wild animal on the hunt, just does not sit well with me.
  3. Why is there no commonly used name for men who pursue women who are either much younger or much older than themselves?  Nobody actually uses the terminology Silver Fox, Sugar Daddy or Sugar Baby.  Instead what they do say to these men is… Well Done!
  4.  The other commonly used label that younger men often throw out there, is the acronym M.I.L.F.  “You’re such a MILF”, is something I hear on a regular.  M.I.L.F. or Mother I’d like to Fuck, was popularized in the 1990 movie American Pie. I know what you're thinking... that sounds even worse! However I actually don’t mind this term quite as much, because at least it puts the onus on the younger man who is pursuing me.  Oh wait I forgot, the mother in American Pie was the perfect stereotype of a sex crazed older woman.  Forget it... I hate them both.
  5. If you actually ask a younger man why he enjoys spending time with an older woman, most of them will have very similar answers. “I love older women because they know what they want, they’re confidence is sexy, they don’t play games, they communicate clearly, the conversations are deep, the sex is amazing and I just feel more comfortable around them”.  Of course this is not true of all older women, but it is the reason why many younger men pursue them.
  6. On a personal note, I’m the best I’ve ever been in every aspect of my life.  My confidence is at an all time high, my spiritual life is thriving, my credit is good and on it’s way to great, my boys are well adjusted and self sufficient, I’m ready to see the world, my body is better than it was ten years ago, I am mentally and physically stronger than I ever have been and I feel sexy and sexually confident in a way I never have before.  In essence, I don’t need anything from anyone else.  When I spend time with a man it is purely because I want to.  I have no desire to marry again and actually value my time alone.  So call me beautiful, call me strong, call me Dani, but definitely please don’t call me a Cougar.

Licensed Master Social Worker
Master of Education

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